Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Tuesday, 20 September 2016

home sweet home

Es tragen die Winde ein Lied in die Welt
the winds are carrying a song into the world
Ein Lied von den Trossingen Harfen
a song of the trossingen harps
Es klingt von der Stadt über Häuser und Feld
it echos from the town over houses and fields
Es rauscht in Tannen und Arven
it whispers in firs and pine trees

Wo Schlehndorn und Flieder am Gauner erblühn
where blackthorn and lilac are flowering at the Gauger
Zwischen Schwarzwald und Alb auf der Höh'
between Black Forest and Swabian Alb up high
Da liegt meine Heimat im güldnen Gewand
there lies my home in golden garments
Die Baar das klingende Land
the Swabian Baar the resounding land

Und was auch die Fremde an Glück dir gebracht
and no matter what fortunes the world might have brought you
Auf einmal erfüllt dich ein Sehnen
suddenly you are filled by a longing 
Die Liebe zur Heimat sie ruft dich mit Macht
love of home calls you with force
Hörst fern vom Türmle es tönen
faraway from Türmle you hear the sound

Wo Schlehndorn und Flieder am Gauner erblühn
where blackthorn and lilac are flowering at the Gauger
Zwischen Schwarzwald und Alb auf der Höh'
between Black Forest and Swabian Alb up high
Da liegt meine Heimat im güldnen Gewand
there lies my home in golden garments
Die Baar das klingende Land
the Swabian Baar the resounding land

Es tragen die Winde das Echo zurück
the winds are carrying the echo back
Das Echo der Trossingen Harfen
the echo of the trossingen harps
Es ist doch das Lied von der Stadt der Musik
it is the song of the town of music
Das Lied von den Tannen und Arven
the song of firs and pine trees

Wo Schlehndorn und Flieder am Gauner erblühn
where blackthorn and lilac are flowering at the Gauger
Zwischen Schwarzwald und Alb auf der Höh'
between Black Forest and Swabian Alb up high
Da liegt meine Heimat im güldnen Gewand
there lies my home in golden garments
Die Baar das klingende Land
the Swabian Baar the resounding land

(Josef Zepf, Fritz Jöde)

Saturday, 17 August 2013

death

I am not afraid of death
only of pain
death would be a relieve
but we mustn't take the easy way out
for the sake of our family and friends we must keep on fighting
this is the price we pay for love

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

nerdy husband

So what does my loving husband get up to on a romantic winter evening at home? - Play with Lambda expressions in .Net, of course!

Oh well, at least I don't have to worry about him getting drunk down the pub or paying too much attention to the secretary ;-)

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

flotsam

am I but a tiny flotsam in the ocean of life,
helplessly tossed about by the waves and prevailing winds,
eventually to be swallowed up and disappear without reason or consequence

Thursday, 15 July 2010

birth control

As a Christian I have been taught to hold all human life sacred, and as a mother I have a vested interest in the future prosperity of humanity in general, and my family in particular. Growing up in the Black Forest, I have always felt an affinity for nature and environmental concerns. However, lately I am getting increasingly despaired about our seeming inability to acknowledge and effectively address the huge threats caused by pollution, scarcity of resources, and overpopulation.

Due to Germany's declining birthrates, procreation is strongly encouraged, and parenthood praised as a great benefit for society. But considering global facts of exploding population growth, this seems a rather short-sighted and selfish viewpoint; Is it more important to provide for a carefree, luxurious retirement, or to ensure that our children will be able to live in an environmentally and politically stable situation, with access to sufficient food, water and other provisions?

Of course, within limits, we are trying to raise our children aware of the environment, save energy, avoid unnecessary pollution, recycle, eat responsibly, and generally reduce our negative impact on our surroundings.

But no matter how hard we try, I no longer have faith that this will be sufficient to cause a big enough dent, and our planet just won't be able to sustain all of us for very much longer. (And as a Christian I do not feel that we have been taking due care of this wonderful world, and there won't be a miracle to bail us out!)

In nature, any species multiplied beyond its limits is faced with massive death tolls, or even extinction. To avoid such a faith, population growth has to be reduced!

In my opinion the only viable option to achieve this is through voluntary means, which in turn can only be accomplished through information and ability. Thus to avoid terrible suffering, we urgently need to provide education for all young women (and men) about the necessity and benefits, as well as access to free and save birth control for all, particularly in poor and disadvantaged areas!

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

dreaming on route 66

On a Tuesday afternoon, about twelve years ago, I was chatting with a young IT student near Grand Canyon. With all our belongings stuffed in a U-Haul van, my husband and I were in the process of moving from San Francisco to the east coast. This young man was eager to hear about our work. The local community were sponsoring his education, for which he was very grateful. But he was also sad, as it meant having to leave the 'Big Rez' to find a job.

It was in the early days of the Internet boom. I was amazed by Navajo culture and craftsmanship, by the beauty of the painted dessert and its people, and a dream began to form; I should set up a web-design group to benefit the local community, while making use of the incredible talent and creativity surrounding me.

Unfortunately, I never managed to follow up on my plans. I still think it would be a wonderful opportunity, but due to the lack of a green-card, and the addition of two children, I probably never will.

In England, I had been part of a group of woman in technology who provide role models, presentations, and tutoring at girls' secondary schools. When our son started primary school in The Netherlands, I volunteered to teach computing, web design, and English lessons to young children. As most parents at our local school, we also took out paid subscriptions to publishers and sites that provide additional material for our children to practice at home.

At the same time I started helping my niece with her maths homework, as I used to do with the girls back home in grammar school; It seems many teachers have difficulties to explain or present logical questions and solutions very well.

And a new dream began to form; All children - regardless of their location, culture, gender, religion, or financial means - should have access to education resources that teach logic and maths in a fun and easy to understand way. I don't know yet how to achieve this dream, but I guess every journey has to start with the first small steps ...

p.s. If you have any ideas or suggestions, or want to help fulfill this dream, please get in touch!

Sunday, 14 February 2010

mustn't give up

once everything has been stripped away, there remains just my pitiful soul

but I mustn't give up, must keep on going, for the sake of my family & friends

help me, lord

Sunday, 17 January 2010

pity

I do not want your pity.
But I crave your praise and respect.
And any true love or friendship you might have to spare.

Saturday, 16 January 2010

Lonely

Feeling lonely, in this desolate gray country, devoid of hills and forests, with leaden skies and orderly rows of identical houses.

Lonely in this clumsy, harsh language that does not allow me to express my emotions.

Lonely amongst busy, self-sufficient people, with no patience for lonely strangers.

Lonely in a world that favors the strong and ruthless.

Lonely, far away from family and friends.

Lonely during the day, when the children are at school.

Lonely with my children, who do not speak their mother's tong or grew up with her culture.

Lonely at night, all alone in bed, while my husband prefers the guest room.

Lonely in the bathroom, cleaning myself up after yet another incident. Who would ever want to love this scarred and broken body again?

Saturday, 23 May 2009

next generation

While visiting my parents last weekend, I had the pleasure to meet my brother's new girlfriend, and her ten year old son. We got along very well, and I took an immediate liking to both of them.

As many boys of his age, Taced loves to play online games and is fascinated by computers. Not surprisingly, he dreams of starting his own company and developing computer games. Thus he was quite excited when he heard about my background. He listened intently to my stories about UX design and was interested to see some of the artefacts and areas I had been working on. In fact, Taced surprised me by giving several useful suggestions regarding the wireframes and task flows I shared with him. It was an amazing experience to exchange thoughts with such a bright young mind.

Unfortunately, many development environments such as Adobe suite are way too expensive for a single mom to afford for her kid. But Taced couldn’t wait to get his hands on my new laptop and the tools installed on it.

In turn, I was quite excited to talk to my brother’s girlfriend; a social scientist, who had written her thesis on sensitive children, and mother of a highly talented son herself.

Thus while the grownups were busy chatting away over a bottle of French wine, Taced taught himself some of the tools on my computer and threw together several quick Flash animations. Disregarding the slightly bloodthirsty humor typical for boys, I was very impressed by the results he achieved within a couple of hours!

I can hardly wait to see what exciting new ideas and innovations can be expected by those bright kids in the future!

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

in support of play- and reading corners

I've always been obsessed with books and reading.

As a child I spent many a night hiding under the blanket with a pocket light and my collection of Enyd Blyton novels.

As a student, I spent a blissful vacation with my (equally afflicted) friend Birgitta meandering across the beautiful English and Cornish countryside, always on the lookout for second hand bookstores, to find hidden treasures, and cozy tea houses and country pubs to sit and read them in.

Later I introduced my darling husband to the joys of literature and for quite a while our favorite hangout on a Friday evening was the coffee shop of the local Borders bookstore in Cary, North Carolina.

Unfortunately, for the past years, this hobby has been severely limited by our move to Utrecht (where bookstores and coffee shops aren't usually open in the evening, and pubs used to be very crowded and smoky), and the birth of our children (who don't usually leave me the time to read when they're awake).

But I have found a remedy: There are really nice coffee shops in local garden centers, often with play areas to keep the little ones entertained for a bit while mommy is browsing through the magazines (often ending up buying rather more plants and garden ornaments than I had intended).

Thus to encourage and support this excellent institution, I am now collecting magazines and toys we no longer need, and regularly deposit them at coffeehouses, garden centers, doctor's waiting rooms, etc.

Monday, 19 January 2009

Sexual Paradox & Gender Gap?

I recently came across Susan Pinker's ideas on behavioral and professional differences caused by gender & hormonal influences. Particularly her explanation in a recent Dutch TV documentary, on why female success (or seeming lack thereof) should be defined and measured differently, stroke a chord.

To some degrees, I myself am an example of Susan's "high achieving women [who] choose jobs that pay less or opt out at pivotal moments in their careers".

In my mid thirties, rather than continuing my thus far quite successful career, I resigned a profitable position with a prestigious organization, not for any rational reason, but because it felt like the right thing to do at the time. Since then I have foolishly turned down several interesting opportunities and started my own company, which has not been making a lot of profit so far. This is partially due to the fact that I have approached my company more as a hobby (my main task being currently that of a mother), and many of my projects represent honorary work.

Thus measured by traditional standards, in the past couple of years I have not been very successful professionally. A fact that seems to baffle my accountant, my husband, and many of my friends and colleagues.

Nevertheless, I feel that I have contributed more value to my profession and society in recent years, then when I was still receiving a lucrative salary. Indeed most of our communities could not operate without the dedication and commitment of talented individuals, many of them female, who are not driven by status or financial rewards, but humanitarian values and long-term impact. And I wonder if for myself this might not in fact be a more accurate and justified measure of success.

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

santa (by robin, age 6)


Wishing ya'll a wonderful holiday season and the very best for the new year!

XXX Antje

Sunday, 14 December 2008

new year's confusion

In the autumn of 2006, I resigned a lucrative position as senior designer and user researcher at an established user experience group. Many of my friends and colleagues were surprised by my decision, but at the time I felt it was the right thing to do, make a change, and take some time for myself and my family.

Over the past two years, I got to know many inspiring people and organizations, occasionally had the opportunity to contribute to exciting projects, and was privileged to exchange and learn many interesting insights and experiences. Occasionally, I still have doubts and miss the financial, intellectual, and emotional benefits provided by my former position and team.

As 2008 is drawing to a close, I wonder where I stand now and what the future will bring.

Next year I will be 39 years old (pretty ancient for the IT industry, according to some recruiters). To my great amazement, some (female) students and practitioners actually seem to consider me an inspiring role model. I guess they don't see the inner turmoil. Sadly, I still don't know what I really want or where to find it.

However, I do have a pretty good picture what I do not want; I don't want to miss having enough time and attention for my family and friends, but I also don't want to become a stay-at-home housewife. I don't want to be rude or hurtful, but I also don't want to be taken advantage off or ignored. I don't want to be scared or insecure. I don't want to hide who and what I am. I don't want my life and work to be in vain. I don't want to be mediocre and I don't want to produce bad work. Nevertheless I don't want to be just an idealist, but achieve realistic results. However, I don't want to work just for profit, but help to make the world a better place, one minuscule step at a time. I don't want to despair or give up in the face of adversity and I don't want to forget that I can't always achieve all of my good intentions.

So what is my new year's wish in the face of general confusion? - Maybe to have the patience, stamina, and self-confidence to be true to yourself and follow your own path, wherever it might take you!

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

homecoming

Last Sunday, an (expatriate) friend invited me to attend a Christmas concert of the Choir Company Sisters at the evangelical church in Ijsselstein. I must admit it was rather disconcerting at first to hear such a modern interpretation (with Dutch text!?) of traditional German and English Christmas carols.

As always around this time of year, I really miss my childhood home in Southern Germany very much. This year we won't be going home to my family for the hollidays and in the Netherlands celebrations tend to focus on "Sinterklaas" (St. Nicholas day on December 6th) rather than Christmas.

During the service, the preacher asked us to consider what "God" meant for each of us individually; King of kings, father, good shephard, friend, peacemaker, guide, and healer were some of the terms mentioned. But I realized that to me - more than anything else - beeing with Jesus means coming home, no matter where I am.

Thursday, 14 August 2008

happy childhood memories

This year's summer vacation with my parents in Southern Germany is a romantic trip down memory lane, as my father takes my son hiking across the rolling hills and endless forests of my youth, sharing old stories, remembering previous generations, feeding the insatiable curiosity of my multicultural offspring with local history and family traditions.

I can barely believe the beauty surrounding me. How fortunate I am to be able to share this with my children, and how lucky my children are to share these memories with their grandparents!

And I wonder why ever did I leave?

Burg Hohenzollern

Schwäbische Alb

Antje with Robin and Natasha

Sunday, 13 July 2008

singing in the rain

I recently stumbled across this note (by the mother of a disabled child) and stuck it up on my wall:

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass,
it's about learning how to dance in the rain."

May your rainy days be filled with happy moments!

Thursday, 3 July 2008

pretty little girl

Recently two talented photographers, Petra de Bruijne and Ineke Schipstra, took some portraits of the children at Natasha's daycare:

www.petradebruijne.nl/bb/
(note: only seems to work in IE)

Natasha had a lot of fun, the pictures turned out absolutely stunning (says a very proud mommy ;-) and I'm amazed at the patience that Petra & Ineke must have had!

Monday, 9 June 2008

UX cocktail kids ;-)

Last week, Peter called an impromptu UX cocktail hour 'old style'. My darling children were very jealous when they heard about mommy going off to 'the big city', so we decided to take them along :-D

All in all a nice way to spend Friday evening: Sunshine, cold drinks, and interesting chats amongst a small UX group with a few old friends and some new faces, including Kim Lenox visiting from San Francisco, who kindly shared this picture.

Sunday, 8 June 2008

The Web and Beyond 2008: Mobility

The second Web and Beyond conference took place on May 22, 2008 at the historical Beurs van Berlage in Amsterdam. It was once again a great success, with inspiring keynotes, interesting stands and presentations, and over 500 international attendees; a fertile exchange of experiences, contacts, and ideas.

This year’s conference was focused on mobility, exploring the opportunities, challenges, and implications for users, communities, and designers to provide rich and smart access to data, communications, and transactions in a wide variety of settings and devices.

Chairman Steve Pemberton opened the conference with his usual flair and humor by sharing an anecdote about the recent ADSL breakdown, where his mobile PDA temporarily became the only link to the internet. In fact, in Japan, thanks to “all you can eat” high-throughput subscriptions, it is the norm for users to access the Web on mobile devices when travelling as well as at home. However, despite this global trend, most traditional site designs are still focused solely on windows PCs and high-resolution screens.

Adam Greenfield, charismatic author of "Everyware", shared his vision and hopes on the use of “ambient informatics”, that is locally distributed information (for example embedded in urban infrastructures) that can be interacted with and acted upon. These services should be well considered to support more humane and pleasant “metropolitan experiences”, reestablishing a spirit and soul often lost in many modern cities. A person walking down a sidewalk becomes in effect a user of the city, with complex information processing tasks merging into subconscious behavior. Furthermore, given the rise of mobile access to virtual communities, the “big now” that an individual might be emerged in at any given time is no longer limited to his current physical location, leading to new types of behavior. These developments have big economic, social, and security implications. As the web services model gets increasingly applied to physical reality without effective recourse, these represent important political questions that need to be addressed. Adam argues that as usability professionals we should not focus on trying to control the total user experience, but rather design thoughtful seams and hinges with sufficient “looseness in the weave” to allow for organic, bottom-up emergence of behavior, culture, and communities.

Along a similar line, sociologist Jyri Engeström, founder of micro-blogging site Jaiku, talked about the importance of “social objects” and “nodal points” for the creation of valuable social media services. He argues that urbanism is starting to kick back, changing the basic concepts of the industry so far. Long-term success of social networking services depends on the reason why people want to connect; not just a cool little application on facebook, but adding more profound value by sharing a common interest, a “social object” (often reflecting existing objects such as pictures, videos, text messages, links, etc). Jyri defines “verbs” as individual actions that leave traces on a social object (such as “created”, “bookmarked”, “commented on”, etc). Users want to be aware of their contacts’ actions in their social peripheral vision, to stay virtually connected with friends and family that might be physically disconnected. Mobile devices enable users to capture slices of reality that couldn’t be captured before. By detecting the “nodal points” (such as content, time, location, or media), the significance of data can be evaluated, thus filtering those bits relevant for a particular person in a specific context and time.

Based on the previous keynote presentations, Ben Cerveny adapted his presentation and took the audience on an exciting - if somewhat mind boggling - flight of inspiration on communities as “geomorphic organisms” (geomorphology: a landscape shaped as a result of the forces surrounding it, geomorphic organism: individual social groups shaped by events and environments surrounding them), as a model to understand behavior in the new real-time networked environment. According to Ben, a dynamic set of people and their interactions can be compared to a multi-cellular organism, shaped by their links and connections, and bound together by their “vision of utopia” as an ideal future to aspire to. Ben also used the analogy of a school of fish or a flock of birds, where individual behavior merges into and is entrenched in the group as a whole, and group dynamics become self-organizing with different roles emerging for individual members of the group. Their “envelope of sensation” is formed, for example, by perceived emotional states, networks, built environments, financial markets, etc. The combined input of subjective opinions influences how members of the group instinctively experience and interpret external stimuli, but these individual opinions are in term shaped by that community. A common cognitive model is formed by trading subconscious “flotsam” back and forth, taking in impressions, tagging them in a shared “internal language”, and extracting meta data to reinforce and evolve a shared model of the world. Thus similar to biological metabolism, input is digested, transformed, adds sustenance, and might result in ‘accidental’ output. Ben envisions a city to become a temporary configuration of urban resources, almost like a wiki with its own scripting language to activate various resources, bathed in many small stimulations and constantly engaged in reforming itself unconsciously in response, where collectives can “play their environment like an instrument”. This constant peripheral awareness of - and reliance on - a person’s multiple communities or “tribes” becomes almost like a cybernetic extensions of their own body, potentially leaving individuals and groups vulnerable to the threat of losing this vital connection.

There were also a number of interesting parallel sessions by various Dutch practitioners and academics. Continuing on the previous evening’s presentations, Ingrid Halters, TomTom’s head of user experience, gave an overview of recent developments within TomTom’s navigation devices, including aggregation of user generated content and context sensitive data detection. Ingrid also provided an insightful glimpse at the special challenges faced by highly mobile, specialized consumer applications, used by novice users of all ages and cultures in a variety of contexts. For in-car navigation devices, this includes safety issues, intuitive task-based interactions, task automation, instant recognition (“out of the corner of the eye”), social environments, varying noise and volume levels, weather and light conditions, physical/ergonomic conditions, as well as persuasive interfaces to discourage or limit interactions with the device while driving.

Kars Alfrink, a seasoned speaker at CHI NL, shared some examples of mobile components for “playful cultural resistance”, and presented a compelling argument on the importance of play to achieve a greater purpose. As Kars points out, playing is not the opposite of productivity, but forms in fact the basis of many innovative achievements in society, business, and design. Kars closed his entertaining presentation with a request to all designers of future mobile services to ensure there remains sufficient space for games; reminiscent of Adam Greenfield’s argument for “looseness in the weave”.

Maartje van Hardeveld, user experience consultant at Rabobank, provided an insight into the advent of mobile banking and illustrated the user experience process leading to the introduction of Rabo Mobiel and Rabo TV. Developments within the financial industry result in less physical visits to local branches, but an explosive growth of direct channels. Consumers are less committed to any particular bank, but expect easy, instant access anytime, anywhere. Nevertheless, in the past, uptake of mobile banking services has been slow. In 2005 Rabobank conducted an ethnographic study using interviews, photo diaries, and group sessions to investigate how, for what purpose, at what time, and in what context consumers want to use mobile devices and financial services. This resulted in some interesting insights and creative ideas, some of which were further explored with persona, storyboards, and several real-life trials, including mobile payments at a supermarket branch and virtual access tickets to Rotterdam Zoo.

Christian Lindholm rounded up the conference on a lighter note, sharing some anecdotes and insights of the mobile market and recent technology trends. He elaborated on the success of Apple’s iPhone, with users passionately addicted to their mobile devices as an extension of their personality, as well as the trend of netbooks versus smartphones, such as the revolutionary Asus Eee and iPod touch. According to Christian the continuum of convergence from phone to computers are examples of the advent of “casual computing”; light and affordable networked devices that can be instantaneously accessed in almost any social situation, without disturbing the social context.
Many of the speakers portrayed the vision of a revolutionary new networked urban society. While this can be inspiring, there also often seems to be a lack of careful thought and consideration in the overall enthusiasm and hype. Beyond commercial and personal benefits, there are major implications, including
  • environmental (e.g. how to sustain the massive energy requirements, health implications, and waste by-products of large computerized networked environments)
  • social (e.g. how open and inclusive are networked communities and services)
  • political (e.g. in how far can they be abused to subconsciously influence the views and behaviors of a groups’ members)
  • ethical (e.g. in how far are consumers aware of their interactions and dependence on these services)
  • security risks
  • etc.
It seems imperative that the usability community, as well as society as a whole, becomes aware of and addresses these issues!
Overall, the conference set a high visionary as well as pragmatic standard. A great achievement for CHI Nederland, which over the past ten years has grown into the second largest local chapter of ACM SIGCHI; perhaps a reflection and continuation of the philosophical and literary tradition of the Netherlands within Europe throughout history.
[This report was also published by CHI Nederland]