"In human interactions, teasing comes in two major forms, playful and hurtful. In mild cases, and especially when it is reciprocal, teasing can be viewed as playful and friendly. However, teasing is often unwelcome and then it takes the form of harassment. [...] This kind of teasing is often hurtful, even when the teaser believes he or she is being playful. [...] Whether teasing is playful or hurtful, is largely determined by the motive of the teaser. If the intent is to harm, then the teasing is hurtful. A difference in power between people may also make the behavior hurtful rather than playful. Ultimately though, if someone perceives him or herself as the victim of teasing, and experiences the teasing as unpleasant, then it is considered hurtful." (Wikipedia)
On Thursday afternoon, I was on the playground with our and the neighbor's children (2, 3, 5, and 6 years old).
While pushing the girls on the swing, I noticed that the boys were being bothered by an older boy. I asked him to stop. He did stop, for a moment, but then he and his friend were again threatening the little boys. I walked over and asked them once again to stop, this time slightly less friendly. The older boys indeed stopped bothering the children, but started calling me rather nasty names. I asked whether their parents would be proud of them using this kind of language. They replied that I didn't know who they were or where they lived any way.
As the older boys continued to call me names, I decided the wise option was to ignore them. I advised our children to do the same, adding - loud enough to be overheard - that we didn't want to talk or play with such nasty boys.
Being ignored obviously didn't sit well with the older boys. So they grabbed one of our toys and threw it into the bushes. This, for me, was too much to ignore. As I went to get the toy out of the bushes, the older boys ran off.
At this point I decided to go in search of the boys' parents. If these were my children, I would certainly want to know about this kind of behavior!
It didn't take much asking to find out their names and addresses. The first mother I spoke to was quite shocked, very apologetic, thanked me for letting her know, and promised to take action immediately.
The second parents were unfortunately not at home. I finally managed to speak with them today. The two boys had been grounded for a week and were asked by their parents to apologized to me. I thanked them, and let them know how much I appreciated this.
However, I was rather taken aback by my meeting with the second mother. She berated me - in front of the two boys - for having gotten into this "conflict" with her son in the first place. As responsible adult I "should have known better". She also told me that after all it was just "teasing amongst children". It seems they only got punished because they called me, an adult, nasty names (which, in my mind, was the least of their offenses).
My husband had warned me that in the Netherlands "teasing amongst children" is still not something many parents are very concerned about. Not even if one set of children are much older and stronger.
On the whole, I tend to be a rather shy, gentle, and forgiving person. Maybe not the best of adult material. But if a 5 year old boy is sitting in the playground crying and does not dare to move because two 9 year olds are crowding in on him, or if these 9 year old boys grab a toy from a 3 year old girl, than to me that is bullying and not something I am willing to ignore!
Not even if their parents are doing their best to intimidate me in front of these bullies!
"There are instances where bullying takes place only for humor. [...] Many bullies [...] only bully others because it is fun. [...] It is often suggested that bullying behavior has its origin in childhood. If aggressive behavior is not challenged in childhood, there is a danger that it may become habitual. [...] The effects of bullying can be serious and even fatal. About 85% of bullying victims suffer long term psychological damage and stress related disease later in their lives." (Wikipedia)
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